We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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