i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
