Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize