Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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