Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
