You're a womanizer and a bitch.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
