i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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