toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
