The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
