well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
