google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
