I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize