Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
