ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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