guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We have started to decorate penises.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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