Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
