Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
