That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
