i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
