I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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