So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
