My nipple is on Facebook.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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