It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
