I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
