i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
