he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
