You work out of a Hotel?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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