final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
