If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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