His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
