You made me cry and you don't even care
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
