i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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