I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
