She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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