Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Randomize
