Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
third nipple confirmed
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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