Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This house was built for laser tag.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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