i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
