i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
