how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
