Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
