i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
