wakey wakey hands off snakey
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
