You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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