but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm at about main and main street
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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