so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
