Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
