Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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