it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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