Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
