Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
