I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize