It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The best revenge is premature balding
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was not drunk enough for that final.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
