you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
