i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
