when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
