1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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