Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
