Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
