just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
