i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
