I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
