College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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