he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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