i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
