You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
