I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Randomize
