it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
