Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
