On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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