So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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