True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We left an ass print on the piano.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How does one acquire holy water?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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