why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
