I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
