I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
