"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
